i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
