Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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