I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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