Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So vagazzling was a success
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
