Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we should paint friendship bongs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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