I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
