My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
