You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
