Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
