apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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