i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
