dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
