you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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