I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
