You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
