He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
