Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
