Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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