Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
