Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
