Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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