like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
