I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
