he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
