some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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