I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
