how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
