nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
