Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
