i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
