i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
