my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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