if i can run in heels then i can drive
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
