So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
