My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
