i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
