dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
