where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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