So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm at about main and main street
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
