I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
