3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
