If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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