I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
