I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found your dick twin last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
