That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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