The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
