Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have post one night stand depression
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