It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
