My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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