I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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